TMI and Guarding the Heart
Most of us are familiar with the phrase “too much information.” In fact, most know it by the acronym: TMI. Don’t we all recognize when someone overreaches for connection by sharing too much about themselves in a relationship that is not ready for it? We’ve done it ourselves, too. TMI moments happen a lot in the life of a church. But each instance is also an opportunity to prayerfully consider the health of our boundaries, and to identify what our hearts are looking for when we overreach.
This month we’re continuing our fall conversation on relational boundaries. If you’re new to the conversation, a “boundary” defines the nature of a relationship and what we permit within that relationship.
In August we focused on the goal of all boundaries: they are foundationally expressions of worship, helping us to honor God’s will for a given relationship. Then in September we focused on “protective boundaries,” which govern how close we allow others to come. This month we’re focusing on “containing boundaries,” which inform how we approach others and speak to them, including our TMI moments.
To illustrate the importance of containing boundaries, I invite you to consider your experiences in a church a prayer meeting, small group, or Bible study. These are often meant to be places where people get to know others, are known by others, and “bear one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2).” But they can also be TMI hotspots. Even in settings designed for connection, we tend to get uncomfortable when someone makes an intimate confession of sin or reveals a delicate personal trauma, especially when it’s a group of new acquaintances.
Are we uncomfortable in these moments because we dislike intimacy? No. We are uncomfortable because we know that the human heart is a sacred and vulnerable space that needs a certain ‘guarded-ness.’
On the one hand, our hearts should not be walled off. But neither should they be left unguarded. Proverbs famously says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (Prov. 4:23).” This passage is rightly cited to advocate for protective boundaries (what we let in), but it also supports containing boundaries (what we let out.) Relatedly, Jesus warns, “Do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot (Mt 7:6).”
In many ways, containing boundaries are about how you ‘throw your pearls’. Many will be careful with them, but if they are thrown carelessly they will certainly be trampled sooner or later. Most of us know this deep in our guts—that’s why we know TMI when we hear it.
Are you ever tempted to overreach for connection? The next time that happens, ask yourself, Why do I need to reach for this type of connection in this context? Can I be a little more patient to let intimacy unfold, rather than demanding that I have it now? And how might I reach for deeper intimacy with Christ in the meantime?
If the heart needs guarding, then intimacy cannot happen all at once. Patience honors the sacred nature of the heart.
In Christ,
John Alexander, on behalf of the PRN team.
P.S.:
As we’ve said throughout the fall, boundaries are hard! If you’d like support, consider joining us at our next What Do I Do? Session this coming Monday, 10/27 at 7:00pm. Esther Lee and I would love to process your church’s challenges on boundary-related matters, in hopes of continuing to grow in this wisdom together. Email jalexander@philadelphiarenewalnetwork.org directly for the link.
